Why am I here?

It’s a question we all ask ourselves over the course of our lives: “Why am I here?  Why am I at this job, dating this person, waiting in line for sub-par coffee?” (You deserve the good stuff!) 

As a person who worries way too much and overthinks every detail of my life, there are countless questions I ask myself on a daily basis:

• Is this bottle of milk too warm?
• Is my toddler eating a balanced diet and learning manners?
• Am I being the best mom and wife I can be?

Just to name a few recurring thoughts.  But the question that I struggle with now more than any other is “Why am I here?” 

How did I get here?

To fill you in, I have two beautiful children, a two-and-a-half-year-old daughter and a seven-month-old son.  Nine months of throwing up while, somehow and rather ironically, gaining weight (not to mention the tiny aspect of labor and delivery) and they come into this world looking like their gorgeous father.  Mission accomplished!

Years before having children, my husband and I decided together that I would stay at home with our kids.  It’s what I always wanted.  Not to mention, he had the steadier income and was on his dream career path.  I, on the other hand, had changed from Culinary Arts to an office job at a small business. 

After deciding that Culinary Arts was not my cup of tea (after two years of schooling and five years in the job field), I was left without a clue what I wanted to do with myself.  I felt lost, useless, and without purpose.  That’s when I got a job at a local small office doing title work for the state.  It wasn’t my dream but it was money in the meantime and I felt like I contributed financially.  And having a Bachelor’s in Business Administration didn’t necessarily narrow down my options for a career. 

I had no idea what I wanted to do with the rest of my life. 

While I was working in the office, my passion for writing was ignited to the point of writing a book.  After my first book came a sequel and now five total books later, I am a self-published author waiting for a break-through.

So, what’s my purpose in life? 

Many people believe that being a mom is the highest calling, the hardest job, etc.  And I understand that.  I LOVE being a mom who can stay home with her babies and watch them grow into kind, loving, and quirky individuals.  It’s not easy but I wouldn’t give it up for the world.

But who am I when I’m alone, when my children are grown and don’t need me?  We all need to have an identity separate from others, to feel like we contribute to the world besides belonging to someone else.  It’s something I still struggle with and struggled with before getting pregnant.  In fact, it was one of the reasons I waited as long as I did to have children after getting married.  If I didn’t have a career before staying home with the kids, what would I have as an empty nester?

After countless conversations about feeling a lack of purpose outside of the home, my mom mentioned blogging (God bless her supportive, persistent heart).  I mulled it over for a week or so, reading articles on others’ experiences with this chosen career.  When I finally talked myself into blogging being an option, I couldn’t figure out what I would write.  As always, I questioned my self-worth and if anyone would want to read what I had to say. 

 Yet, when the thought occurred that my own doubts, struggles, and life lessons could touch someone else’s life, that I could help when they are wrestling with the same questions, I couldn’t stop thinking about this blog. 

And that’s why I’m here, telling you my story and getting out of my own way. 

Even if this is read by a mere five people, it will not be a waste.  I write, not just for enjoyment or self-fulfillment, but to connect, relate, inspire, encourage, and, hopefully, brighten someone’s day.  So, here’s to the career changes, to the dead-end jobs, and to the existential crisis we all have a time or two in our lives.  Without all these things, we wouldn’t be where we are today.

It’s your turn. 

For you, blogging might not be what gives you a sense of purpose as an individual.  Maybe it’s a part-time job, crafts, running, reading, photography, baking, you name it.  Whatever you choose, let it be an outlet for your soul. 

Allow yourself to be your own person every once in a while.  Without a sense of greater purpose, you’ll become depressed, sensitive, and unhappy like I did.  Be the best mom you can be, fold those piles of laundry, do the dishes for the hundredth time today… and at the end of the day, take some time and find an outlet for your soul. It will make for a happier you, happier children, and happier life.

Overwhelmed by the negative things in life? Read more blog posts here!

Want a mental break? Grab one of my books, a fuzzy blanket, a cup of coffee, and this reading light that I’m obsessed with! (It has three different temperatures of light and stays on your book easily!)

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